When Logic Prevails « Result #1 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:36am »
Two nuns went out of their convent for a walk. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It was getting dark and they were still far away from the convent.
SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?
SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follows us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than a man with his pants down........
My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them.
¡¡¡¡I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.
¡¡¡¡"It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison.
¡¡¡¡"Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.
Losing Virginity « Result #3 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:35am »
Concerned about her relationship, a woman approaches her doctor and says, "Doc, I'm getting married this weekend and my fiance thinks I'm a virgin & I'm not! Is there anything you can do to help me?"
The doctor says, "Medically, no, but here's something you can try. On the wedding night, when you're getting ready for bed, take an elastic band and slide it to your upper thigh. When your husband puts it in, snap the elastic band and tell him it's your virginity snapping."
The woman loves this idea and knows her hubby will fall for this. They have a beautiful wedding and retire to the honeymoon suite. The wife gets ready for bed in the bathroom, slips the elastic band up her leg, finishes preparing and climbs into bed with her man.
Things begin to progress - her hubby "slips it in" and just then she snaps the elastic band. The hubby asks, "What the heck was that?"
The wife explains, "Oh nothing honey, that was just my virginity snapping."
The husband cries out, "Well snap it again, it's got my balls!"
An Urgent Standby Passenger « Result #4 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:35am »
While in Korea, Gov. Mike Smith of Utah was relaxing in the VIP lounge the Seoul airport, awaiting his flight to Japan. At the same moment , his press secretary, Jenny Varela, was being told at the ticket counter that she had no ticket.
¡¡¡¡After insisting she had to make the flight because she was with a U. S. governor, an American embassy aide intervened. Varela got a standby ticket and boarded just before take-off.
¡¡¡¡Regaining her composure, Varela went to the front of the plane to tell Smith of her adventure. He was not there. She later found out that the governor was told that he had been bumped by an urgent standby passenger.It was Varela.
Stirring On Mars « Result #5 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:35am »
The US finally sent the first manned space mission to Mars. The spacecraft gently touched down and the astronaut descended and tested the atmosphere. Low and behold it was safe for people to breathe. He removed his space suit and exited the spacecraft. He was amazed to find himself in a lush green valley surrounded with beautiful wooded hills. He hiked for some distance and came upon a beautiful little white cottage with a lush green lawn surrounded by a white picket fence like something out of Better Homes and Gardens. He walked up to the front door and found it open. He walked inside, looked around and hearing noises from the kitchen, he went back there. WOW, to his amazement he saw the most beautiful blonde he had ever seen standing over a large pot on the stove. Inside the pot was a gooey mess that she was stirring with a large spoon. As he watched she kept stirring and stirring.
After a couple hours he finally asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was having a baby. He was quite skeptical but after a couple more hours of stirring she reached down into the gooey mess and pulled out a beautiful baby girl. He told her that was really amazing but that was not the way it was done on Earth.
She asked, "How do you do it on Earth?"
With a twinkle in his eyes he said come on back to the bedroom and I'll show you. After an hour of the wildest sex he had ever experienced he lay back exhausted and lit up a cigarette.
Hiding Smokers « Result #7 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:35am »
Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said,"It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so Mother Superior doesn't find them."
The second nun said, "I've found a marvelous invention called the condom, which really solves this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!"
The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.
"You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them." The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter. "Good morning, sister," said the pharmacist.
"What can I do for you today?"
"I'd like some condoms, please," said the nun. The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked,
"How many boxes would you like? There are twelve to a box."
"I'll take six boxes - that should last about a week," she replied.
The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, "Sister, what size condoms would you like - we have large, extra large, and big liar size."
The sister thought for a minute, and finally said, "I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel."
Enlarging The Breast « Result #8 on Mar 12, 2009, 2:35am »
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks. One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
The husband comes up with a suggestion. ¡°If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds.¡±
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. ¡°How long will this take?¡± she asks.
¡°They¡¯ll grow larger over a period of years,¡± he replies.
The wife stops. ¡°Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?¡±
The husband shrugs. ¡°Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?¡±
Mr. FooI Wants to Move the Mountain « Result #9 on Feb 24, 2009, 1:12am »
there were two high mountains between Jizhou in the south and Heyang in the north. One was called Taihang Mountain and the other Wangwu Mountain.wow power leveling, Both of the mountains were very high.
Just to the north of the mountains lived an old man called Yu Gong who was nearly 90 years old. With the two high mountains just in front of his house, his family and he had to walk a long way around the mountains whenever they had something to do on the other side of the mountains.
One day, Yu Gong called all his family together to talk about how to move the two mountains to other places. His wife said, "An old man like you cannot even move a small hill, not to mention the two high mountains.wow power leveling, Even if you can, where can you throw so much earth and stone?"
"the Bohai Sea is big enough to contain all the earth and stone," Yu Gong said. So it was decided. His children started to dig the mountains, led by the old man Yu Gong.
A man named Zhi Sou saw them working and tried to stop them, saying, "You are so silly! You're so old and weak that you can't even take away the grass and trees. wow gold,How can you move the high mountains?"
"You're wrong," Yu Gong said with a sigh. "Look, my sons can continue my work after my death. When my sons die, my grandchildren will continue. So generations after generations, there's no end.wow gold, But the mountains can't grow higher. Do you still say I can¡¯t move them away?"
Later the Heaven God, upon learning of Yu Gong¡¯s story, was GREatly moved.wow power leveling, He then ordered another god to come down and take the two high mountains away.
the story tells us that so long as one is determined and sticks to it long enough, anything can be done, wow gold,no matter how difficult it is.
A Guy Named Bill « Result #10 on Feb 24, 2009, 1:12am »
His name was Bill. He had wild hair, wore a T-shirt with holes in it, blue jeans and no shoes. In the entire time I knew him I never once saw Bill wear a pair of shoes. Rain, sleet or snow, Bill was barefoot. This was literally his wardrobe for his whole four years of college.
He was brilliant and looked like he was always pondering the esoteric.wow power leveling He became a Christian while attending college. Across the street from the campus was a church full of well-dressed, middle-class people. They wanted to develop a ministry to the college students, but they were not sure how to go about it.
One day, Bill decided to worship there. He walked into the church, complete with his wild hair, T-shirt, blue jeans and bare feet.wow gold The church was completely packed, and the service had already begun. Bill started down the aisle to find a place to sit. By now the people were looking a bit uncomfortable, but no one said anything.
As Bill moved closer and closer to the pulpit,wow power leveling he realized there were no empty seats. So he squatted and sat down on the carpet right up front. (Although such behavior would have been perfectly acceptable at the college fellowship, this was a scenario this particular congregation had never witnessed before!) By now, the people seemed uptight, and the tension in the air was thickening.
Right about the time Bill took his ¡°seat,¡± a deacon began slowly making his way down the aisle from the back of the sanctuary. The deacon was in his eighties, had silver gray hair, a three-piece suit and a pocket watch.wow power leveling He was a godly man -- very elegant, dignified and courtly. He walked with a cane and, as he neared the boy, church members thought, ¡°You can¡¯t blame him for what he¡¯s going to do. How can you expect a man of his age and background to understand some college kid on the floor?¡±
It took a long time for the man to reach the boy.wow gold The church was utterly silent except for the clicking of his cane. You couldn¡¯t even hear anyone breathing. All eyes were on the deacon.
But then they saw the elderly man drop his cane on the floor.wow gold With great difficulty, he sat down on the floor next to Bill and worshipped with him. Everyone in the congregation choked up with emotion. When the minister gained control, he told the people, ¡°What I am about to preach, you will never remember. What you¡¯ve just seen, you will never forget.¡±
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